괜찮아, 다 끈아서요~ Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Sunday, November 29, 2009 at 9:42 PM, in

I rang up Wei Sum..I desperately need someone to listen to me... Thanks Wei Sum,for being patient enough to listen to my craps~ Hahahaha.. I felt much better after having a good cry on the phone..Really,you need to cry your heart out in order to forget something that you like... Don't ever think of doing anything stupid to yourself like slitting your wrist,pick up smoking or cutting yourself with the cutter something like that..It won't mean anything... It will just leave you ugly scars...Cry..Its okay....Release those tensions,let go of those feelings... Sometimes humans are just so stubborn that they tend to always keep things to themselves,keeping things that are useless. Crying,would be the best way to relieve those feelings.let go of something that we have been holding on to but are useless.

This will be the last time i'll cry for him...No more...Feelings are gone,I'm gonna continue my extravagant life~ He is just something,that i should have go through,part of my life experience...That's it..No more.. It will be a story,that i will tell my children later,before meeting their daddy [Changmin oppa!!!!] XD

You need to get hurt in order to grow up...Experience,is a valuable lesson that makes you a more matured and knowledgeable person. Learn from it,so you will not repeat the same mistake for the 2nd time. You may regret,but what lies ahead are more important than the past. Letting it go,will be a better way than holding it on,which makes man's life more miserable. Try letting it go,and you will see,it will be a better world. ^^

날 다 줬으니까 나 후횐 없지만
더 해줄 수 없어 가슴 치고만 있잖아

널 사랑한다 널 사랑한다
더이상 니가 곁에 없다는게
아프고 아프고 아프다
아프고 아프고 아파도

그립고 그립고 그립다

* I have no regrets to the fact that i met you...I wish you the best,so wish me the same too... Goodbye~

사실은 보고싶은데... Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , at 6:50 PM, in

I thought i saw you today...I really do...I was working at that time,and i don't want you to see me in my uniform...But it turns out not to be you. I didn't notice the guy at first,but when i look around,i saw that guy that looks like you,and that guy was looking at me too~ But then he continue talking to his friend.. I was a bit shocked at first,cuz he looks so much like you. How on earth can two different people look so alike??? Those eyes that i once fell deeply for,the nose,the mouth,the hairstyle,and even the height..How can they be so alike???? How???? Why??? The only difference,is the hair color,the necklace he's wearing and the talking style.. Other than that,he would be a perfect second you. I tried to ignore the fact,but actually i was freaking out. I was nervous,and my mind immediately went blank... But,i just couldn't. I pretended to squat down and drink water,but actually i was trying to make sure that is that guy really you?? I listen quietly the way you talk.. Yes,he's definitely not you. The way he talks,it's just so not you.And you wouldn't wear that ugly looking gold necklace. I'm not sure about the hair color that is in yellowish gold,but i think you prefer natural hair color right??

The memory that i have buried into the deepest part,safely locked, suddenly just came bursting out just because of this guy who looks like you that came from nowhere...I thought i covered it up well..I really do.. I thought i have numb my feelings for you,i thought i already forgotten those days,and i thought i was able to wish you happiness.But, i guess you really hit me hard eh?? The song,the sms,the chocolates,the photos,the words that you wrote on my book...I still couldn't forget it... It stings my heart when i saw the photo of you and your girlfriend on fb, and i even had to pretend to wish you two stay sweet... Do you know how much i hate you that time... Holding on to those words you had written,it seems like you were making a fool out of me. maybe you are just a play boy after all... A stupid girl who fell head and heels over you at that time,even compared your ranking with my TVfXQ..You probably thought that " It's no loss for me to play a little game~" Is it?? Luckily i wasn't the cashier when that guy came and pay... Seeing the back of that guy leaving,i suddenly have the urge to stop him and ask.But my will pull me back to reality..I can't...

I just continue my work silently..Kept quiet till i reach home... Shed tears when i listen to 'TTL(Time To Love)' by T-ara and ChoShinSeung...Cried when i heard 'Stand By U' by TVfXQ,and crying hard when i listen to K.Will's 'Miss Miss Miss'. I couldn't hold back any longer.. Truthfully,i still miss you...I miss you alot...I felt so stupid to still have feelings for you. I shouldn't have. You have a girlfriend now. What am i?? But still, you are the 1st to have me had this kind of feelings..I would not call that love,maybe it is just the gap between love and like..Perhaps an infatuation??? I was probably feeling lonely during that time too,since that was the first time for me to stay away from home so far...You tricked my feelings,i thought i've let it go..But today only i realize that i'm still hoping for you....

TTL & TTL listen 2...
사실은 보고싶은데
Actually, I want to see you
미치도록 너를 보고싶은데
I miss you like crazy
한없이 널 기다려
I wait for you forever
결국 너를 기다려
In the end, I wait for you
혹시하고 멈춰서 제자리를 맴도네
I stop to wonder
I'm going around in circles

좋은 사람 너는 내게 첫사랑
Good person, you're my first love
사랑을 가르쳐준 사람
The person who taught me love
Never forget you
I remember you
기억해 너 하나만
I remember only you

2. 날 바라보던 너의 그 눈빛
That gaze of yours looking at me,
널 놓친 난 정말 stupid
losing you I´m really stupid
이미 가슴에 꽂힌
큐핏 화살도 뽑아 버렸어
I even pulled Cupid´s arrow out from my heart
난 정말 바보지
I´m really foolish
쓸데없는 자존심 세우다 못해
I couldn´t swallow my useless pride
맘에도 없는 바보같은 말로 딱 잘라서
너를 보냈어
Like a fool without feelings, I refused to talk and I send you off
이렇게 떠나 하루하루 어쩌나
Leaving like this, how to go on everyday?

Should i?? Should i not?? Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Saturday, November 28, 2009 at 10:13 PM, in

Well,i think there's a guy working at the same place with me likes me..It is only like,not love ya~ Get that right... Hmm...He's far from what i want in a guy,for example the height,the personality,the ability to take care of his own and other people,his career,his educational background(guess you are saying that i'm too picky right???)...But he's got a pair of quite attractive eyes which makes a nice curve when he smiles..*thats why i love Changmin~ kekekek~ his mismatched eyes are too cute and pure!!!!!* Mwo..He's good looking.... But there's a fact that i dislike. He smokes.. And the reason he started smoking was he broke up with his girlfriend,and started smoking to numb his feelings...Guess he really loves her.. Eish..This kind of guy is one of the types i blacklisted-smoking for his girlfriend. Can't you do something else rather than smoking??? Try out something new perhaps(that's my way~) It may seem silly,but that's the best way not to harm yourself. Get a new haircut,change your style of wearing,or maybe find a new hobby...Isn't this better??? Smoking harms your health,as well as others..

I was quite happy throughout the whole day at my work..But before i finish my working hours,he came and talk to me,asking me to count the money.And it was the worst part.. I was inhaling that time and SHIT!!!! I smell tobacco in his mouth!!!! Immediately i felt uncomfortable and dizzy.I didn't mean to show a bad attitude,but i was feeling very unwell then.I wanted to go home so badly but customers who came to the cashier to pay kept pouring in...I can't laugh like i do earlier.. Shit.. Didn't i told him not to smoke around me??? I was really furious..You may think that i care for him,but i don't like my friends to smoke. Even if he's a nobody,as long as i have to keep contact with them,i don't like any of them smoking~ I really really really really really hate that!!!! I was so furious at that time that i wanted to get rid of him out of my life!!!! It's either i change job,or he leaves. I really cannot accept that!!! My head felt heavy and i felt difficult to breathe..Its so suffocating.. I wanted to get rid of that smell so badly that i kept on coughing..

Today is saturday,and there's a night market near my house. Usually i would eat until my stomach explodes,but today,i totally lost my appetite.Now i know why smokers are so thin and doesn't eat much..The smell really makes you lose appetite...I walk around the night market with my friend Bee Lian,since it was still early.After that,i bought something light to eat,and went home..My head hurts.. I sms-ed him that i may not be going to the night market,saying that i was feeling uncomfortable... I planned to rest a little at home,then go and buy my magazine,then come back home. But this stupid guy who went overboard didn't know what was happening,and he called me to ask me where am i. Oh god..I wanted to squash him and chop him into pieces...I answered the call,and i tell him i may not be going cuz i'm not feeling well.He asked me why. I was reluctant to tell him at first,cuz i thought it may hurt his pride..But i couldn't stand it,so i ask him if he smoked this afternoon.He immediately say no.I ask him again,he still insist in saying no.Hell shit..I'm really pissed off. So i ask him that last time if he really did smoke this afternoon.Finally,he admitted it. He ask me how i knew about it,oh please..You would be automatically aware of something you dislike right??? I could smell that right away you idiot!!!! And he blamed me for telling Wan Ching cuz she phoned him not long ago and scolded him *thanks Wan Ching~^^* For heaven's sake,i need not to tell Wan Ching about that!!!! I'm not that close to her~~ But still, i went to the night market with him,as i have to change the clothes for Bee Lian and buy dinner for my brother..

We went around the night market,i changed the clothes,he bought a tee that i chose,bought mee for my brother,and sat down to eat his dinner..He kept on asking me to eat,or at least drink something,but i really can't bring myself to enjoy it.I have no appetite at all...The tau fu far that i favorite most can't even 'seduce' me..Hahahha~ See the effects of smoking on me??? Once it has been done,it can never turn back again...I'm that kind of person that goes by the extremities.

I thought of something scary like that..Maybe i'll just play a little relationship game with him. I don't really think that he likes me,i think he just may be lonely after his breakup with his girlfriend,so he's trying to find another girl to cover up the emptiness in him... I don't mind playing,since i'm single,have no worries at all.I know my goal,and my will power is strong enough. I'll be getting a dashing Korean guy somehow...Hahahha.. But thinking on the other side..If we really play this game,and we ended this game after some time. Will he pick up smoking again?? Since he already did that for his girlfriend,he might just do it the second time~ Right??? As the saying goes,'When you had the first time,you will be doing it for the second,third and fourth time..' That is why,this game is a bit risky.. I can't take up the responsibilities of ruining others' life....And i don't want to... So,smokers,
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! cuz if you come,i'll just keep hating you no matter what you do!!

내가 smoking 의 남자를 정말 싫어요!!!!! It's disgusting!!!! pui!!!!

DBSK won the "Best Representative of Asia' on MAMA '09 [21/11/09]!!!! Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Sunday, November 22, 2009 at 10:42 PM, in

Yahoo!!!!!! DBSK won the grandest award on MAMA 2009 despite they are going through the lawsuit~ Well,their hard work proves it all~^^ A big thank you for those who voted for our boys...I'm so glad and proud.. Though so,I'm still disappointed because only JaeChunSu went as representative of TVXQ to accept the award..HoMin were not able to attend as they are tied down to SM's contract...the speech they gave was really touching,especially JaeJoongie's. He said : "I don't know if they are watching this,but if they are watching, I would like to tell these two friends that i love them.Thank you." I wouldn't say that i cried hard,but the tears that fell down your cheeks as soon as you hear the speech,the feeling is far more than only sad... They couldn't even mention HoMin's name.... Jae was about to cry when he said that,but he managed to hold back his tears.Chunnie's eyes were teary,but he didn't cry. JaeChunSu have to act strong on behalf of TVXQ,as HoMin could not attend,and they couldn't cry because HoMin and Cassiopeia are watching.They have to act to tell us that they are doing fine.. It just hurts so much~ The feeling was so complicated..Love,hatred,sad,disappointment.
I was thrilled to hear fans shouting again for TVXQ..

It has been a long time since i heard those cheerings~ Some of them held the 믿어요 banner, and of course the fan-made products such as towels and fans..I read from HanLei eonni's blog that Cassies sang a TVXQ song during the commercial break,to cheer up JaeChunSu..I don't know what is that song,but i think those who were singing felt heartbroken too... Later,i got the news that Jae and Chun cried at the backstage/restroom,Junsu was comforting them~ man,that new was so heart wrecking.. Nevermind,cry your heart out oppas..At least you let us know that you do not mean to have this lawsuit thingy to become so worse like this.. And now there's rumours saying Mnet was behind all of this.. God,can't this just end faster and peacefully???? I really want to see TVXQ performing as 5 again on the stage... Some people say that it is not a problem for them if they leave SM,cuz they still have Avex's support in Japan..Yes,i knew that. But what i want is not only Tohoshinki,i want Dong Bang Shin Ki too!!!!

Anyway, congratulations to our beloved boys chosen as "the Best representative of Asia" in MAMA!!!! Cassiopeia will Always Keep The Faith!!! Keep faith in us too, oppa!!!!

#HanLei eonni's wordpress banner~

오빠, 너 지금 만이 힌을어 난 아라...괜찮아요,
왠나면 우리 "카시어페아" 오빠를 긑까지 믿어죠~
사랑해,동방신기~


*phrase of the day: It shouldn't have started,then it wouldn't become like this now...We are scared,because we don't know what will happen next.Though we are under those circumstances,we still choose to believe in you..Why? Because you brought love to us~

Again??? Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Saturday, November 21, 2009 at 1:11 AM, in

hohohoh~ Started work at 7am today,seems that i didn't get enough sleep last night cuz my eyes looked red..Well,i think it's worth it due to playing the styling up TVXQ thingy..hahha~ It was so much fun,and i even had my brother to guess it~
I was only aware of the '15minute challenge' thingy when i started to get warmed up at my work..Shit,i thought it was kinda fun at first,but it turns out that it makes people look cheap and stingy[to me]...A guy was even timing us to redeem that damn free white coffee!!!! Dang mister!!! You look so cheap!!!! If you can't afford to drink one,why did you come in the first place??!! We're on a first come first serve basis,sometimes you just have to wait..That's how the world goes right?? eish~ Felt so annoyed when customers wanted to redeem that free white coffee...

I found out today that there is another china company that wants to sue JaeChunSu for fraud. Damn it,isn't it enough already?? And when i watched "Entertainment Week" on KBS, I was so furious when the SM co. had a conference saying that JaeChunSu sued SM due to the profit sales of the cosmetic line...SHIT!!! What a f***-ing statement!!!!! Are humans these ugly when it comes to money and fame???? It's just feel so nauseated reading these things.. PUI!!!!! man,i just want out boys to come back together in 5,performing for us,having some privacy of their own..This lawsuit thingy is taking too long!! When will it end??? I think my B/P shot up high every time i received these kind of updates~ eish~ and for the MAMA event,i hope the 5 of them will be able to attend as TVXQ~ oppa hwaiting!!!

lyrics that i wish to say to TVXQ:
" 널 사랑한다 널 사랑한다
나에게 하나뿐인 사람이여
그립고 그립고 그립다
그립고 그립고 그립다..." K.Will's new song- 그립고 그립고 그립다

" I want you back, You back.
I want you back, yeah yeah~ " SECRET-I Want You Back

* It's not TVfXQ,when the 5 of us are not together. - Changmin

Sick of everything~ Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Tuesday, November 17, 2009 at 1:05 AM, in

Not much updates of TVXQ these 2 days..the bad feeling has gone..hmm~ Maybe something good will turn up??? I really hope so~

Okay,that's not the main aim of me writing my blog today~ So put aside TVXQ first...
SHIT!!! I'm so sick of everything now~ The country..(sorry,i don't consider it as "MY" country). my mum,my dad..ugh~ I'm just so sick of them~ I'm so stressed up because of them~ They always ask me to change,ask me to become faster,study more,revise more... owh~ Damn it! Stop those naggings won't you?? I know when to do that!!! There's something that i want when i'm at home, that is privacy,peace and relax~ I just want to enjoy my very own time when i'm at home,but you made that impossible....

Dad got scolded by his boss today,and he ask me to be ready by 8.30am or else i would have to go college by bus...Then my 'lou dao' Bryan called...We chatted about half an hour,and mum came into my room,without knocking the door,and started to clean my room.. My god~ Seriously invaded my privacy..I felt so uncomfortable chatting with my 'lou dao'..I immediately close the door after she left..And then she barge into my room again and handed me a note. The note was mainly about getting ready by 8.30am so that my dad can arrive early at work so that he would not be fired..And the last sentence : Please grow up.
Means?? I'm IMMATURE??? yeah,i am!! So what??!!!

I've been tolerating with my mum cuz she's having her post-menstrual which usually have the symptoms of bad temper.but sometimes she has really gone too far...I am already stressed up at college,and not the words burdens me even more... That is why i made a promise to myself.. Once i go to Korea,i will no longer come back here~ I'm not saying that i don't need my family,it is just that i prefer to do things on my own,with my choice of partner..Because normally family members tend to screw things up~

Okay..I'm feeling better now~ and thanks to my chingu Wei Sum for redecorating my blog's background~ Thank you !!! muah muah muah muah muah~~~~

*god..the kissing scene kills~ *heart stopped beating & screaming my head off~*


aww..i wish im the one who's he hugging right now~

So?? How?? Is it all over??? Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Sunday, November 15, 2009 at 12:37 AM, in

I was feeling under the weather for the past two days. I couldn't eat well, I couldn't sleep well. The updates of TVXQ regarding to the lawsuit is stressing me up. I can't help but to worry about their future,and what will happen to us Cassiopeia.. I tried hard not to have the word 'disband' linger in mind,but now even my friend Leyzell mentioned the word...Totally stressed up on what is happening~ Both sides' standing are so strong,and either side wouldn't tolerate.. Is this how you guys are going to stay like this?? How long will this last?? I'm desperate.... Do you know how much it hurts to see the updates everyday that almost all are negatively commented?? Every time before i view the updates, I hope there are good news of it..But none came out.. A lot of seniors,juniors,music industry related people gave positive comments on TVXQ,but still,we knew that it was wrong...

You guys once said to only believe in what you all say,and always keep the faith in you guys no matter what.I did..I only believe those statements that you guys made, having 100% trust in you..But after the signed statement of Yunho oppa and Changmin oppa came out,I'm confused... The promises that you guys made, are they real?? I'm now still trying to hold on to the promises you guys made,and the promise i made to myself..But it seems like it all my energy has been drained up and there is nothing much that i can do.Shouldn't you at least stand out and make a clear statement regarding to your standing and condition now??? I don't mean it by through the lawyer,I want you guys to do that!!! The 3rd party can never make things clear,because they are not the one we trust. YOU are the one whom we trusted,from then till now,for so long...

So what now?? Should we just accept the fact?? Or continue in believing?? I know Cassiopeia are still staying strong,but at the same time I know it's weakening~ You still want us to believe in you guys right?? You know we still love you guys right?? You know we are willing to do anything for you guys right??? We still want to see the 5 of you performing on the stage till we grow old and die~ Having to see your purest smile on your faces is the most precious moment on earth~ Having to see the 5 of you together will be the most cherished moment in our whole life~ The 5 stars shining in the universe,will never fade...

I hope everything goes right... Cassiopeia and TVXQ will always stay together!!!!! I'll always keep the faith...The feeling is getting stronger and stronger now.. When it is time,i will have it tattooed.. Love you~ Miss you~ I believe in you,no matter what~

* having a bad gastric,cuz i don't feel like eating...



오빠 때문에, 나는 잘 먹을 수 없다.
오빠 때문에, 나는 잘 잘 수 없다.
왜 저에게 이것을 해야 하는가?? 왜??
어디에 지금 있는가?? 일어나고 있는 무슨이 저에게 말하십시오!!!!
나의 심혼은 순전히 아픈다. 나가 단단하게 호흡해서 좋다 때문에 이렇게 고통스러운.

JongHyun ahh,get well soon~ Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Saturday, November 7, 2009 at 1:32 AM, in

Watched "Music Bank" this evening...hmm~ A lot of new groups debuting. I listened to their songs,some are even popular,and their songs just sound the same..It has become a trend that the lyrics of the are tend to be repetative.And doesn't make sense at all.. Dear singer agency,could you please form new groups which consist of quality instead of just pretty or handsome faces??? Yes,they are pretty,or are handsome,but the way they sing the songs is just ridiculous!! Even a passerby could sing that way~ Don't just focus on the trend..Form a group which can last long... huhu..

I was shocked to see Yesung singing 'Ring Ding Dong'..At first, i taught it was a special stage,but JongHyun seemed nowhere to be found..then i remembered,Ye Ji eonni told me that JongHyun caught the swine flu... Oh my god~ Yesungie look so handsome,manly,cool and cute!!!!!! The performance was not bad though,but i think they need to do more training..A little bit dissapointed cause i taught Yesungie would join in the dance,but he ended up appearing and disappearing for some moment~ It would be fun to have Suju to sing this song~

I watched '2 days and 1 night' with my dad. Oh my god,it was so funny that we can't stop laughing,until tears came out,we still won't stop...They're too funny~~ Sorry to my neighbours ya..but it was really really funny..hahahahhahah~

* My body is still itching.is it because of the medicine or what????

We'll always stand by u~ Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Friday, November 6, 2009 at 1:06 AM, in

>_< I'm tired of waiting...I'm confused..Who should i believe now??? The news from Seoul(thanks to my Ye Ji eonni~) and the updates i received are different... Lee Soo Man is said to be arrested due to accepting bribery,but i have no updates about it.. and the statement thingy,did Yunho and Changmin really signed that??? Before this they claim to trust SM and will be at SM's side,but the korea press said actually the two wanted to leave SM too,but is tied down due to the contract~ OMG,this is freaking confusing~

I'm sad,i'm confused,i'm furious, and i'm tired of waiting~ It is not that i am not willing to wait for u guys anymore,but this lawsuit thing is taking too long... We're exhausted.. We always cry after looking at the updates..and now you are mentioning 5-3..what is this??!!! and damn u SM..don't focus on the 13 years long contract,it's the rules and regulations!!!! eish~ many of us are getting tired now... I'll be willing to wait,because time doesn't matters,but i don't know what and how others think~ They might just lost hope and give up,leave Cassiopeia.. I don't want that to happen oppa.. Please,come back to us quickly!!!! As like you sung the song "Stand By U"
' Where are you now?
Who are you with?
what kind of clothes are you wearing?
what are you doing and laughing at?
I am right here, even now I am right here.
And I still believe that we will see each other again. '

oppa yah,do you know how much do we miss you???? Do you know how much we yearn for you??? Come back to us as 5,please i beg you..Don't make us cry,and don't make us wait again~ A Cassie replied my post on youtube today regarding to the song JaeJoong sung in his drama " Heaven's Postman".. I thanked him'her,and she replied: No biggy,Cassies share the world! I was so touched.. Always keep the faith in our oppas dear Cassiopeias!!!!We're tired and frustrated,but oppas are suffering much more than us~ We should hold hands in hands together,staying strong together.. let us show our love and support to TVXQ!!!!



#사랑 참 어렵다~ 어렵다~ 마니 힘들다
하지만,네가 오빠를 기달이게...
기달이죠~ 사라해,오빠 먀~