26th of December~ Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Wednesday, December 30, 2009 at 9:31 PM, in

It's 26th of December.
The day after Christmas, a few days before new year.
Should we celebrate, or should we regret?
It is now the time to review what we've done throughout the year.
It is now the time to wake up from the past.
But, is it really the time now?? Tell me...

We should be celebrating by now.
We should be together by now.
But why now? Why at this time??
If it is so hard, you should have told us.
You should have told us earlier..
Why didn't you?? Why??
Why did you endured it all on your own like a fool, which nobody cares??
Why did you take up all the responsibilities to make us laugh,but cry on your own?
Why did you pretend to be strong,when you are so weak and needed someone to rely on?
Why?? Why didn't you tell us??

I'm sorry, that I didn't know you had to go through this on your own.
i'm sorry, that I didn't know you had to cry alone.
i'm sorry, that we became a burden to you.
I'm sorry, that we couldn't be beside you now.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And I'm sorry that we couldn't do anything,but just to feel sorry...

Yes, we are fools. Both of us are fools...
Fools that only care for others,
and chose to ignore themselves.
Fools that try to make others happy,
though they are suffering on their own.
Fools, who chose to believe others no matter what they say,because they have faith in them.
And we are fools,
who will be happy when others are happy.

i'm sad, because I couldn't find a word to match up the most beautiful word in the world,
that is 행복...
The word 행복 couldn't be defines through words.
You need to feel it, experience it, and have it to really know what it means.
It is a feeling that couldn't be explained,for it is too wonderful to describe it.

I only knew the word 행복 after i met you.
I'm glad that you brought me the most beautiful word on Earth.
Since you brought me the most beautiful word on Earth, I knew I can't turn back.
you've stolen my soul, stolen my heart.
it's a crazy love that I have to admit.
i will do everything I can to prove that my love is real.
To be able to tell others how much I love you, that is the greatest thing in my life...

For the past 5 years, we've seen how much you have grown.
From a boy. to a man.
From a pure voice, to now this angelic voice.
You have grown up so much...
Much matured,much far-sighted,
much more charismatic, much more lovable.
but at the same time, we can see,
your frowns, your depression,
your stress, your frights,
and your tears coming down.

you know how much it hurts to see your love ones to cry right?? It really, really, really, really hits you hard down there. it suffocates you, it frightens you... it makes you just wanna be by their side right away, and hug them in your arms tight, protecting them from the evil, because we don't want to experience that feeling again...

I thought we will be celebrating your 6th anniversary today as like before.
i really thought everything will be okay.
I really thought so..
But, I guess, you couldn't take it anymore.
You decided to free yourself now.
You decided to take a rest now.
You decided to let people know the truth now.

All of us were shocked to know that at first, but we were on your side.
We only believe statements that you made,
and done various things to support you.
It's just to show our love, show our support, and let you know that,
WE are here for you...

But then, rumors started spreading around.
Both parties said different things.
News that people receive differ from varieties.
To be honest, I hated you at that time.
I hated you, because you were so selfish.
Because of your selfishness, you made everyone suffer from sleepless nights.
Because of your selfishness, you made countless people shed tears.
Because of your selfishness, people look down on us.
And because of your selfishness...Your selfishness..
You made us feel like an outsider,
when we thought we were always there for you,supporting you.
and yet you didn't even tell us what hardships you have been through.

Confused and unable to think straight at that time, i broke into tears so many times.
it felt like something important has disappeared.
It felt like the trust I always had in you, was betrayed.
it felt like oxygen being sucked out from the Earth, unable to breathe.
It felt like DEATH...
Frankly speaking, I thought of suicide for the first time in my life.
I always think that suicide, is the most stupid way of solving problems, and i never approve of that.
But for the really first time, I thought of it...
I told my friends about it, and they say I'm crazy.
Why?? Cuz you are like oxygen to me.
Without you, how can i go on??

As time goes by, things are getting clearer.
You showed us your persistence,
you showed us your love and faith.
And in return, we gained back our trust in you.
We decided to keep the faith in you.
Some may have left, but we are still here for you.
We believe the decisions you made,
we respect the decisions you made.
Because we know we are unable to separate from each other now.
This, had made our bonds became stronger, trust greater, existence forever..

I hope this will end soon, and end peacefully.
I hope no one gets hurt.
I just want you guys to smile again, smile again with your hearts..That's all...
I too, hope there will be the 7th anniversary, 8th anniversary, 9th anniversary, 10 anniversary and keep going on until we are too weak to breathe together.
until then, we will meet each other in heaven, and continue our love there~

TVXQ!, Cassiopeia will be fighting together with you!!!! Let us
Always Keep The Faith~

no matter you are
동방신기,TVXQ!, TVfXQ, Tohoshinki, Gods Rising From The East, Dong Bang Shin Ki, or
东方神起,
you are still the 5 guys that we will love eternally~~

윤호 U-Know
창민 Max
재중 Hero
유천 Micky
준수 Xiah


*Always 5, Forever 5, Eternal 5~

사랑해요, 믿어요....

A tiring Christmas eve~~ Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Thursday, December 24, 2009 at 9:51 PM, in

fu~~ Woke up at 7 something today,bathed and get ready for today's outing. gahh~~ it's my off day but i STILL have to wake up so damn early..and i even had a severe stomachache at 4 this morning after taking the cleanx tea my mum gave me yesterday~ Nevertheless,i got my make up done,and we're set to go~~

I thought we're going straight to The Curve,but my mum changed her mind.So instead of going to The Curve first,we headed towards 1 Utama. Before that,we had breakfast together at a coffee shop. Since my brother and i wore white colored tee shirt,we had to be extremely careful because we ordered 'wan tan mee'...You must be thinking why on earth did these two idiots ordered 'wan tan mee' when they're wearing white tee shirts?? hahahah~ It's because we don't eat beef,don't feel like eating pork balls and don't want to eat spicy food TODAY~~ kakaxx....I was extra and extremely careful while eating the mee,but still,i got a teeny weeny soy sauce stain on my shirt near the button~ Ish..

We arrived at 1U at about 9.30pm,and dad went off to work after dropping us there. Shops were doing their cleaning and preparation at that time.. It was still early,so there is not much to see at that time.So i decided to go to Old Town and pay ah zhu a visit~ ^^ But we don't even know where were we..Are we at the new wing?? Or old wing??? We went and ask the reception,thinking that we are at the old wing.But we are actually at the new wing already... Aigoo~~~ So Old Town Signature is at the ground floor..Luckily,ah zhu was there~ haha..I saw Maung Than Aye too!!!! He's smiling alot now..Cuz he is finally free from 'mother'~ hahahahhah~ Beside Old Town is Etude House..Oh my god~~ if i'm working there i think i'll be going to Etude House every time i finish work..hahahah~ But when we went in there,the staffs are not wearing any make-up at all..Gosh,that gave me a shock~ and AHH!!!!! Code B mascara!!!! I ask the staff when was it launched,and she said last week~~ ISH... If it was launched earlier then i wouldn't have to buy TFS mascara..The mascara is black enough,but a bit sticky and clumpy~~ I would have to say,TFS mascara is good but not black enough. As for Etude House,maybe i have to buy one and try first~ I dare not to buy too many things at Etude House cuz some times,the things just seems to toy-ish.. Anyway, we went round and round and round and round in 1U until we don't know whether we are at the new wing or old wing.. Actually,we went both.. hahahah~

We had lunch at Little Taiwan as i strongly recommended it to my mum~ I really really like their Bubble red tea..It's smooth and has a very nice fragrance~ I had 'tang tang mee' lunch set,my mum ordered 'claypot lou shu fan' lunch set and my bro ate 'honey coated fried chicken rice'(something like that..i forgot the name~~) Then we passed by Old Town and poof~~ haha~ I saw my ah gor Wai Loon there...Greeted him,and then we continued shopping~ Finally,after turning a few hundred times in 1U,we finally found ROMP,and my brother bought 2 tee shirts. I wanted to buy the SMILEY tee at Giordano,but all the tees were too weird looking... I just want one that's normal and same as Jaejoong's~ But..haizz....Forget it~

Then my father picked us up in front of Jusco,and we went to The Curve..gahh~~~ nothing to buy there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The only thing i bought,is the shoes that i was forced to buy,cuz my mum insisted on it,and MC Donald ice cream..Thank god we didn't came here first,or else we will be dying from boringness~kakaxx... Of course,after The Curve was IKEA.. Walking along aimlessly,cuz i didn't bought things i wanted today~ Dad has to attend his friend's wedding,so we had to leave early~ Unfortunately,we weren't able to find our car..i thought: Oh my~~ car stolen on christmas eve?? But actually,we were on the wrong floor~ hahahhahaha~
Managed to get home by 7.15pm,and my mum and i got ready to watch out korean drama at 7.25pm...

Then it is boring until now~~~ Anyway,i wish everybody a happy and Merry Christmas!!!
*p/s: i love the STICKY candy!!!!


# at Little Taiwan


# cute and pretty right??

The world..is so cold.... Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Sunday, December 20, 2009 at 7:15 PM, in

It's bone-chilling cold nowadays~ Is it the weather,or the world????? The feeling of coldness,and alone...People giving you a cold look,or a cold shoulder.That cold and helpless feeling, chills down your spine and trembles your heart.... Maybe it is because I work in an environment that needs to have interactions with people,and perhaps that is why i can sense the coldness of the world better than others. It is really really cold these few days...I suffer from enduring the coldness...Brrr~~~

Today is the last day i'll be working together with him,although it just only lasted for 30 minutes..We didn't talk to each other at first,and i thought : Shit~ Today is the last day,maybe we won't see each other again,but we're not talking to each other. Is he mad at me because i didn't want to go and watch movie with him and Jia Chi on his birthday???
Hahahah~ But things cool down when i teased him about finding his wife Jia Chi upstairs...He was kinda upset at first,but he teased me back about Sanish..ahahahah~ Well,maybe he is really sad to leave her...So sad to see them forced to part from each other~ Took some pictures before we left,and that's it. He will be transferred to 1 Utama outlet... Good luck there yahh,my brother Wai Loon..And remember to take care of my friend Fuzai~~ XD
One more thing..Only today i knew that Ken smokes..WHAT THE??!!!! I was so shocked to hear that!! All along i thought he is that kind of obedient guy,is a filial son and a gentlemen. But after knowing that fact that he smokes,and i even saw him smoking in front of me....Gone~ All gone...Image gone...Bye bye...I don't want to see you,nor hear your voice~ 피겨!!!!! Ugh~ Disgusting~~ Why do those around me need to smoke??? Is smoking that nice??? Can't you do something else besides smoking???? Is smoking the only resolution to your stress??? I really hate those who smokes... Sometimes,you are really perfect.But when i got to know that he smokes,BYE~ Totally blacklisted in my life~~ Ish....Smoking really destroy everything,and you smokers,SUCK!!!!!!!!!! Don't be a sucker for heaven's sake!!!! I despise you!!!!!! PUI!!!!!!!!

* I...went to fb and check how HE is doing nowadays..I know i'm stupid...But i just wanted to know if he is doing well....He said he wanted to go back to those days in PLKN,cuz its memorable and enjoying. Yeah,you said that.I once wished for that to happen too~ But now,there's no way to go back to that period of time...You could if you hadn't have her,but...Forget it...There's no turning back~

Booooooooringggggggg~~~~~~ Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Saturday, December 19, 2009 at 10:29 PM, in

Gosh~ It is so boring nowadays~~ My life is just like a walking corpse.. Eat-sleep-wake up-make up-go to college-come back home-watch tv-bath-computer-sleep-work. Ish... Too boring~~ Doesn't make any sense..Maybe i really really really wanted to go to Korea as soon as possible so deadly....Malaysia is too boring,that is what my Ye Ji eonni told me~ *Totally agrees*

Maybe it is near Christmas,or maybe it is near the end of the year~ Christmas alone for 18 years...Pitiful huh?? Eishh~ Perhaps i should get the handsome korean guy's number when i went to Korean Town?? Then maybe i will feel better~ hahhah~ Nevermind,it's over now.. If we are fated to be together,we'll meet again next time.But still,i still felt a little bit of regret. Ye Ji eonni,please ask his number for me!!!! kakaxx.. Christmas is coming soon...Where can i go??? There's no one to celebrate with me.. But my schedule for the last 2 weeks of December is already jammed packed..

Monday - College till 4pm
Tuesday - College till 4pm AGAIN~~~~ sienzz
Wednesday - College till 12.30pm. maybe go Sunway lagoon with relatives.
Thursday - shopping with mum and brother at IKEA & The Curve
Fri,Sat and Sunday - Working

# Next Week
Mon,Tues,Wed - College
Thursday - maybe working~~
Fri,Sat and Sunday - working

then 2009 has passed... What a boring way to welcome year 2010~~

gahh~~ It's really boring!!!!! I have friends who are free,and they're having their semester break..But i~ I still have to attend to college when everyone is suppose to enjoy their holidays.. T_T uwaaaaa~~~ THIS IS SO UNFAIR!!!!! When i'm free,everyone is busy. When i'm busy,everyone is on holiday..How can???? I want to go shopping and play with my friends too~~~ Life is so bland this year.. It should be more fun..Cuz it's my only once in a lifetime 18 years old!!!! But everything seemed to turn out not as expected... Haizz... 2 more weeks,and i'm gonna end my pitiful 18 years old life~ How sad~~ >.< Anyway,i hope year 2010 will be a good year for all of us..Especially to TVXQ oppas~ Please let everything be alright.....Always Keep The Faith!!!!!!!!!!

Jealousy is scary~ Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 2:16 PM, in

haha~ Long time i didn't 'touch' my blog already..I'm not busy,just kinda lazy~ Sometimes i feel like writing,but i was either too angry or sad,then i went to sleep right away~

So,something happened...I thought we will be like brother and sister,but i seemed to care more and more..I felt anxious when he's not there...But now,i know,that's it...No more... Cuz he's aiming for another girl..That is why people always say: When you fell in love once, you will keep on searching for love,because you know that LOVE feels wonderful,and you will be addicted to it.To be loved,and to love someone,that is just something so minor,yet it triggers every cell in your body when you do that. Hahahahaa~

Wan Ching,Bee Lian,Wai Loon,Jia Chi,Sin Hui and i went to korea plaza to celebrate Bee Lian's birthday,which was supposed to be last Thursday...Tried on the hanboks,and we even tried the one for guys...hahahah~ Look like hip hop style..well,Wan Ching and i found out that he had been sms-ing Jia Chi for the past few days..I was abit angry at first,but i know i was the one who rejected him first~ So at the korea plaza,we kept on make chances for the two of them..Hahahaah..perhaps we're too obvious~ Cuz we'd do anything to keep the 2 of them away from us....And secretly planning to dump the 2 of them together~ Kekekekekek... During our lunch at SHIN,we made the two of them sit together,and snapped damn lots of ppictures. Wan Ching and i went of first to buy Wai Loon birthday cake,then Bee Lian and Sin Hui made excuses to the toilet~ But Bee Lian's plan didn't work out,and she had to come back in 10 minutes~ Aigoo...Bee Lian must pick up on acting~ kakakakka~ On my way back to the restaurant,i met my son!!!! kyaa~~ Jit Lun ahh!!! He got a girlfriend,and is way shorter than him..I think the distance is about 3 heads???? And my,he has grown taller!!!!

Then we went to Etude House to buy Bee Lian's birthday present~ Lipgloss..I bought one too.. And went to The Face Shop to shop again~Crazy sale going on there!!!! Bought a mascara and a nail color~~ I wanted to buy the 'migamsu' eye & lips make up remover...hmm~ Maybe later~
Cut the crap,i kinda ignore him on that day~ After all,what isn't supposed to mine,won't be mine. And i even bought TVXQ chips for RM55 for 2 packets,RM 180 for the stupid Pinky mints that i thought it would be a full set..Shit~ and a TVXQ bracelet..Totals up RM254.. I think i'm crazy~~~ No wonder people say : You shop to relieve stress,but after you bought all those stuffs you will feel like dying of regret...Cuz most of them aren't really useful.

Hahahaha~ That's it..I won't answer his calls and invitation to go yumcha again~ Blaks XP

Annoyance causes stress.. Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Thursday, December 3, 2009 at 10:22 PM, in

Annoyance causes stress...Yes,that is what i want to say to my dad. Shit you daddy!!!! I hate it when you ask me to get ready faster every morning before going to school! How i wish that i could throw vulgar words at you, F*** ing you in every words i could??? Ish~ This is so annoying and irritating..And on tuesday,you came out of the car and shouted at me:"You wanna take bus to school is it??" DAMN!!!! Do you know that i really want to shout at you: " FINE!!! I'll take bus to school!!! Drive your old junk to work and leave without me!!! F*** U!!!!!" Damn it..I was so angry at that time but i just turn the anger in to myself.Why? Cuz i still respect you as my dad. I just grab everything and threw it in my bag,then get into my dad's car.Total silence during the whole journey..True enough,I'm pissed off. Talking to him will just raise my blood pressure and hatred. At first you said we'll depart at 8.45am,later on it became 8.30am...When i start getting used to 8.30am, and suddenly you changed it to 8.15am!!!! Damn you!!!! I need to put on make up and you don't!!! Why can't you just be more considerate?? You just think of yourself!!!! Yeah, some of you will say: Then wake up earlier loh~ Who doesn't know that??? I did,but everytime he says : Be quick!! Shit.. I don't have the mood to put on my make up anymore. Its so annoying,and it is stressful!!! I hate it when people start to control me.

I told my mum about it and she said: "Wake up earlier to put on your make up,then you wouldn't be nagged by your dad every time. You don't want him to lose his job right?? He's working for others,you should be more understanding." But why should i be the only one who is understanding?? Can't he try to be in my shoes for some times?? I talked to my brother,and he answered the same thing as my mum said..Ish,guess AB blood type like me cannot communicate with B blood type..There is no one i can turn to to express my anger.. My best sis left me. Haizz~ Till now i still don't know why she refuse to reply my letters and sms...

My dad,again with his annoying voice,told me to finish my oriental medicine just now. Shit.. I can't stand his voice for the second time,so I immediately rush to the kitchen,drank the damn medicine,and continue to sit in front of my computer.. I don't even want to see his face... It just pressures me a lot. Actually, I don't mean to ignore him,nor hate him. I love him,and i respect him. I guess it is after i found some "things" inside his handphone where it shouldn't exist...Guys, you know what I'm talking about right?? I know it is really common,especially men to have it,but should you at least save it somewhere else that people couldn't find it?? I don't mean to despise him,but i really hate guys,especially married men to have that. You already had a family, a wife and two kids. And still you want to hold on to those disgusting things?? I really hate that... Ugh..And now my mum thinks that he may have an affair.. Oh god..If he really does,I'm gonna hate him for the rest of my life and cut the relationship with him.That's it..I don't want to be related to these shameful things... I told my mum I will migrate to Korea..Listen up,it's migrate,not emigrate.I'm gonna be Korea's resident,not malaysian anymore.. Its up to her to follow me or not,but i think i won't be bringing my dad there. He can't too..He doesn't have a passport. Anyway,I am that kind of people who goes over the extremities..It is either hate or love.. STOP NAGGING ME FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!!!!!!!!! i HATE IT!!!! I HATE IT!!! AND DON'T KEEP ON SAYING I'M STUPID!!!!! I KNOW WHEN TO DO THINGS,SO SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME BE!!!!

괜찮아, 다 끈아서요~ Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Sunday, November 29, 2009 at 9:42 PM, in

I rang up Wei Sum..I desperately need someone to listen to me... Thanks Wei Sum,for being patient enough to listen to my craps~ Hahahaha.. I felt much better after having a good cry on the phone..Really,you need to cry your heart out in order to forget something that you like... Don't ever think of doing anything stupid to yourself like slitting your wrist,pick up smoking or cutting yourself with the cutter something like that..It won't mean anything... It will just leave you ugly scars...Cry..Its okay....Release those tensions,let go of those feelings... Sometimes humans are just so stubborn that they tend to always keep things to themselves,keeping things that are useless. Crying,would be the best way to relieve those feelings.let go of something that we have been holding on to but are useless.

This will be the last time i'll cry for him...No more...Feelings are gone,I'm gonna continue my extravagant life~ He is just something,that i should have go through,part of my life experience...That's it..No more.. It will be a story,that i will tell my children later,before meeting their daddy [Changmin oppa!!!!] XD

You need to get hurt in order to grow up...Experience,is a valuable lesson that makes you a more matured and knowledgeable person. Learn from it,so you will not repeat the same mistake for the 2nd time. You may regret,but what lies ahead are more important than the past. Letting it go,will be a better way than holding it on,which makes man's life more miserable. Try letting it go,and you will see,it will be a better world. ^^

날 다 줬으니까 나 후횐 없지만
더 해줄 수 없어 가슴 치고만 있잖아

널 사랑한다 널 사랑한다
더이상 니가 곁에 없다는게
아프고 아프고 아프다
아프고 아프고 아파도

그립고 그립고 그립다

* I have no regrets to the fact that i met you...I wish you the best,so wish me the same too... Goodbye~

사실은 보고싶은데... Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , at 6:50 PM, in

I thought i saw you today...I really do...I was working at that time,and i don't want you to see me in my uniform...But it turns out not to be you. I didn't notice the guy at first,but when i look around,i saw that guy that looks like you,and that guy was looking at me too~ But then he continue talking to his friend.. I was a bit shocked at first,cuz he looks so much like you. How on earth can two different people look so alike??? Those eyes that i once fell deeply for,the nose,the mouth,the hairstyle,and even the height..How can they be so alike???? How???? Why??? The only difference,is the hair color,the necklace he's wearing and the talking style.. Other than that,he would be a perfect second you. I tried to ignore the fact,but actually i was freaking out. I was nervous,and my mind immediately went blank... But,i just couldn't. I pretended to squat down and drink water,but actually i was trying to make sure that is that guy really you?? I listen quietly the way you talk.. Yes,he's definitely not you. The way he talks,it's just so not you.And you wouldn't wear that ugly looking gold necklace. I'm not sure about the hair color that is in yellowish gold,but i think you prefer natural hair color right??

The memory that i have buried into the deepest part,safely locked, suddenly just came bursting out just because of this guy who looks like you that came from nowhere...I thought i covered it up well..I really do.. I thought i have numb my feelings for you,i thought i already forgotten those days,and i thought i was able to wish you happiness.But, i guess you really hit me hard eh?? The song,the sms,the chocolates,the photos,the words that you wrote on my book...I still couldn't forget it... It stings my heart when i saw the photo of you and your girlfriend on fb, and i even had to pretend to wish you two stay sweet... Do you know how much i hate you that time... Holding on to those words you had written,it seems like you were making a fool out of me. maybe you are just a play boy after all... A stupid girl who fell head and heels over you at that time,even compared your ranking with my TVfXQ..You probably thought that " It's no loss for me to play a little game~" Is it?? Luckily i wasn't the cashier when that guy came and pay... Seeing the back of that guy leaving,i suddenly have the urge to stop him and ask.But my will pull me back to reality..I can't...

I just continue my work silently..Kept quiet till i reach home... Shed tears when i listen to 'TTL(Time To Love)' by T-ara and ChoShinSeung...Cried when i heard 'Stand By U' by TVfXQ,and crying hard when i listen to K.Will's 'Miss Miss Miss'. I couldn't hold back any longer.. Truthfully,i still miss you...I miss you alot...I felt so stupid to still have feelings for you. I shouldn't have. You have a girlfriend now. What am i?? But still, you are the 1st to have me had this kind of feelings..I would not call that love,maybe it is just the gap between love and like..Perhaps an infatuation??? I was probably feeling lonely during that time too,since that was the first time for me to stay away from home so far...You tricked my feelings,i thought i've let it go..But today only i realize that i'm still hoping for you....

TTL & TTL listen 2...
사실은 보고싶은데
Actually, I want to see you
미치도록 너를 보고싶은데
I miss you like crazy
한없이 널 기다려
I wait for you forever
결국 너를 기다려
In the end, I wait for you
혹시하고 멈춰서 제자리를 맴도네
I stop to wonder
I'm going around in circles

좋은 사람 너는 내게 첫사랑
Good person, you're my first love
사랑을 가르쳐준 사람
The person who taught me love
Never forget you
I remember you
기억해 너 하나만
I remember only you

2. 날 바라보던 너의 그 눈빛
That gaze of yours looking at me,
널 놓친 난 정말 stupid
losing you I´m really stupid
이미 가슴에 꽂힌
큐핏 화살도 뽑아 버렸어
I even pulled Cupid´s arrow out from my heart
난 정말 바보지
I´m really foolish
쓸데없는 자존심 세우다 못해
I couldn´t swallow my useless pride
맘에도 없는 바보같은 말로 딱 잘라서
너를 보냈어
Like a fool without feelings, I refused to talk and I send you off
이렇게 떠나 하루하루 어쩌나
Leaving like this, how to go on everyday?

Should i?? Should i not?? Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Saturday, November 28, 2009 at 10:13 PM, in

Well,i think there's a guy working at the same place with me likes me..It is only like,not love ya~ Get that right... Hmm...He's far from what i want in a guy,for example the height,the personality,the ability to take care of his own and other people,his career,his educational background(guess you are saying that i'm too picky right???)...But he's got a pair of quite attractive eyes which makes a nice curve when he smiles..*thats why i love Changmin~ kekekek~ his mismatched eyes are too cute and pure!!!!!* Mwo..He's good looking.... But there's a fact that i dislike. He smokes.. And the reason he started smoking was he broke up with his girlfriend,and started smoking to numb his feelings...Guess he really loves her.. Eish..This kind of guy is one of the types i blacklisted-smoking for his girlfriend. Can't you do something else rather than smoking??? Try out something new perhaps(that's my way~) It may seem silly,but that's the best way not to harm yourself. Get a new haircut,change your style of wearing,or maybe find a new hobby...Isn't this better??? Smoking harms your health,as well as others..

I was quite happy throughout the whole day at my work..But before i finish my working hours,he came and talk to me,asking me to count the money.And it was the worst part.. I was inhaling that time and SHIT!!!! I smell tobacco in his mouth!!!! Immediately i felt uncomfortable and dizzy.I didn't mean to show a bad attitude,but i was feeling very unwell then.I wanted to go home so badly but customers who came to the cashier to pay kept pouring in...I can't laugh like i do earlier.. Shit.. Didn't i told him not to smoke around me??? I was really furious..You may think that i care for him,but i don't like my friends to smoke. Even if he's a nobody,as long as i have to keep contact with them,i don't like any of them smoking~ I really really really really really hate that!!!! I was so furious at that time that i wanted to get rid of him out of my life!!!! It's either i change job,or he leaves. I really cannot accept that!!! My head felt heavy and i felt difficult to breathe..Its so suffocating.. I wanted to get rid of that smell so badly that i kept on coughing..

Today is saturday,and there's a night market near my house. Usually i would eat until my stomach explodes,but today,i totally lost my appetite.Now i know why smokers are so thin and doesn't eat much..The smell really makes you lose appetite...I walk around the night market with my friend Bee Lian,since it was still early.After that,i bought something light to eat,and went home..My head hurts.. I sms-ed him that i may not be going to the night market,saying that i was feeling uncomfortable... I planned to rest a little at home,then go and buy my magazine,then come back home. But this stupid guy who went overboard didn't know what was happening,and he called me to ask me where am i. Oh god..I wanted to squash him and chop him into pieces...I answered the call,and i tell him i may not be going cuz i'm not feeling well.He asked me why. I was reluctant to tell him at first,cuz i thought it may hurt his pride..But i couldn't stand it,so i ask him if he smoked this afternoon.He immediately say no.I ask him again,he still insist in saying no.Hell shit..I'm really pissed off. So i ask him that last time if he really did smoke this afternoon.Finally,he admitted it. He ask me how i knew about it,oh please..You would be automatically aware of something you dislike right??? I could smell that right away you idiot!!!! And he blamed me for telling Wan Ching cuz she phoned him not long ago and scolded him *thanks Wan Ching~^^* For heaven's sake,i need not to tell Wan Ching about that!!!! I'm not that close to her~~ But still, i went to the night market with him,as i have to change the clothes for Bee Lian and buy dinner for my brother..

We went around the night market,i changed the clothes,he bought a tee that i chose,bought mee for my brother,and sat down to eat his dinner..He kept on asking me to eat,or at least drink something,but i really can't bring myself to enjoy it.I have no appetite at all...The tau fu far that i favorite most can't even 'seduce' me..Hahahha~ See the effects of smoking on me??? Once it has been done,it can never turn back again...I'm that kind of person that goes by the extremities.

I thought of something scary like that..Maybe i'll just play a little relationship game with him. I don't really think that he likes me,i think he just may be lonely after his breakup with his girlfriend,so he's trying to find another girl to cover up the emptiness in him... I don't mind playing,since i'm single,have no worries at all.I know my goal,and my will power is strong enough. I'll be getting a dashing Korean guy somehow...Hahahha.. But thinking on the other side..If we really play this game,and we ended this game after some time. Will he pick up smoking again?? Since he already did that for his girlfriend,he might just do it the second time~ Right??? As the saying goes,'When you had the first time,you will be doing it for the second,third and fourth time..' That is why,this game is a bit risky.. I can't take up the responsibilities of ruining others' life....And i don't want to... So,smokers,
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! cuz if you come,i'll just keep hating you no matter what you do!!

내가 smoking 의 남자를 정말 싫어요!!!!! It's disgusting!!!! pui!!!!

DBSK won the "Best Representative of Asia' on MAMA '09 [21/11/09]!!!! Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Sunday, November 22, 2009 at 10:42 PM, in

Yahoo!!!!!! DBSK won the grandest award on MAMA 2009 despite they are going through the lawsuit~ Well,their hard work proves it all~^^ A big thank you for those who voted for our boys...I'm so glad and proud.. Though so,I'm still disappointed because only JaeChunSu went as representative of TVXQ to accept the award..HoMin were not able to attend as they are tied down to SM's contract...the speech they gave was really touching,especially JaeJoongie's. He said : "I don't know if they are watching this,but if they are watching, I would like to tell these two friends that i love them.Thank you." I wouldn't say that i cried hard,but the tears that fell down your cheeks as soon as you hear the speech,the feeling is far more than only sad... They couldn't even mention HoMin's name.... Jae was about to cry when he said that,but he managed to hold back his tears.Chunnie's eyes were teary,but he didn't cry. JaeChunSu have to act strong on behalf of TVXQ,as HoMin could not attend,and they couldn't cry because HoMin and Cassiopeia are watching.They have to act to tell us that they are doing fine.. It just hurts so much~ The feeling was so complicated..Love,hatred,sad,disappointment.
I was thrilled to hear fans shouting again for TVXQ..

It has been a long time since i heard those cheerings~ Some of them held the 믿어요 banner, and of course the fan-made products such as towels and fans..I read from HanLei eonni's blog that Cassies sang a TVXQ song during the commercial break,to cheer up JaeChunSu..I don't know what is that song,but i think those who were singing felt heartbroken too... Later,i got the news that Jae and Chun cried at the backstage/restroom,Junsu was comforting them~ man,that new was so heart wrecking.. Nevermind,cry your heart out oppas..At least you let us know that you do not mean to have this lawsuit thingy to become so worse like this.. And now there's rumours saying Mnet was behind all of this.. God,can't this just end faster and peacefully???? I really want to see TVXQ performing as 5 again on the stage... Some people say that it is not a problem for them if they leave SM,cuz they still have Avex's support in Japan..Yes,i knew that. But what i want is not only Tohoshinki,i want Dong Bang Shin Ki too!!!!

Anyway, congratulations to our beloved boys chosen as "the Best representative of Asia" in MAMA!!!! Cassiopeia will Always Keep The Faith!!! Keep faith in us too, oppa!!!!

#HanLei eonni's wordpress banner~

오빠, 너 지금 만이 힌을어 난 아라...괜찮아요,
왠나면 우리 "카시어페아" 오빠를 긑까지 믿어죠~
사랑해,동방신기~


*phrase of the day: It shouldn't have started,then it wouldn't become like this now...We are scared,because we don't know what will happen next.Though we are under those circumstances,we still choose to believe in you..Why? Because you brought love to us~

Again??? Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Saturday, November 21, 2009 at 1:11 AM, in

hohohoh~ Started work at 7am today,seems that i didn't get enough sleep last night cuz my eyes looked red..Well,i think it's worth it due to playing the styling up TVXQ thingy..hahha~ It was so much fun,and i even had my brother to guess it~
I was only aware of the '15minute challenge' thingy when i started to get warmed up at my work..Shit,i thought it was kinda fun at first,but it turns out that it makes people look cheap and stingy[to me]...A guy was even timing us to redeem that damn free white coffee!!!! Dang mister!!! You look so cheap!!!! If you can't afford to drink one,why did you come in the first place??!! We're on a first come first serve basis,sometimes you just have to wait..That's how the world goes right?? eish~ Felt so annoyed when customers wanted to redeem that free white coffee...

I found out today that there is another china company that wants to sue JaeChunSu for fraud. Damn it,isn't it enough already?? And when i watched "Entertainment Week" on KBS, I was so furious when the SM co. had a conference saying that JaeChunSu sued SM due to the profit sales of the cosmetic line...SHIT!!! What a f***-ing statement!!!!! Are humans these ugly when it comes to money and fame???? It's just feel so nauseated reading these things.. PUI!!!!! man,i just want out boys to come back together in 5,performing for us,having some privacy of their own..This lawsuit thingy is taking too long!! When will it end??? I think my B/P shot up high every time i received these kind of updates~ eish~ and for the MAMA event,i hope the 5 of them will be able to attend as TVXQ~ oppa hwaiting!!!

lyrics that i wish to say to TVXQ:
" 널 사랑한다 널 사랑한다
나에게 하나뿐인 사람이여
그립고 그립고 그립다
그립고 그립고 그립다..." K.Will's new song- 그립고 그립고 그립다

" I want you back, You back.
I want you back, yeah yeah~ " SECRET-I Want You Back

* It's not TVfXQ,when the 5 of us are not together. - Changmin