I'm crying too much these days~~ Posted by cAbbaGe May 숙미 , Sunday, January 3, 2010 at 11:18 PM, in

I'm crying too much these few days~~ I've gotten more sensitive nowadays... Just because he pressed the wrong button,i lost everything... He crossed the line... That is a crime, a crime similar to murder..Losing all my data about TVXQ,is just like hopes no longer exist in this world... Do you know that kind of feeling?? I bet you don't, cuz you haven't found what you truly like yet... Sometimes,sorry does not mean everything. There are things that could be forgiven, it is because you have not crossed the bottom line. Once you crossed it, no matter what you do to seek for forgiveness,it is just UNFORGIVABLE.. Yes, UNFORGIVABLE~~~ Remember that word...Whenever I hear your voice or see your face,the anger immediately flares in my body... That is why i chose to ignore you,and refuse to talk to you... The pain is too much to bear... She said she would rather to see me shouting at him,scold him or beat him than to have a cold war with him...But sorry..If I really do that, he would have been dead by now.I would have scolded him until he lost his pride,and have beaten him to death.. That is why i chose to have cold war... Forgive me for doing this~

Yes, I do cry while watching dramas..But crying everyday on my own now, I can't control it.. Every time i heard or saw their articles, tears come out uncontrollably~ Even when i look at the posters in my room,i can't stop crying..Before THIS happened, I will look at the posters and smile,but now,its totally opposite...I need to listen to your songs everyday before THIS happened,but now i hardly play your songs on my music playlist...How long is THIS going to last??? How long do i still need to wait??? How long?? I'm heartsick and in pain now.. Sometimes I would think selfishly, can't you just endure it for us?? Then I don't have to suffer everyday like this now...

After watching your performance in KHK...Yup,the 5 of you are together..But the feeling is different already..It always was 5 together as ONE, but that day's performance...Its no longer 1~~I can feel that there is a gap between you guys now..Before,the 5 of you will have the same gestures, perfect teamwork, eye contact with members when singing..But that day, you guys showed different emotions, you don't have the shine in your eyes anymore, and no eye contact at all with your members...The atmosphere was awkward... i would normally cry to this song,but that day, i cried because i feel we are getting further apart... What is Tohoshinki without Dong Bang Shin Ki?? You tell me~~TELL ME!!!!!! I'm afraid that i might have a breakdown someday...I don't know when,and I don't know what will i do that time.. I don't like the me now~~ I really don't... I'm usually the toughest among my friends,but now i feel so small and weak....I don't have anyone to hang on now,because THIS happened....

And on yesterday,i watched the KBS music awards...Congratulations on the group who won, but then, they made a huge mistake... They made the same dance as you did,the sexy back ending pose..And damn it,I was furious. I wanted to throw the remote control at that time,but she was beside me,so I couldn't...What do they mean by this??? Is this a kind of humuliation??? I was so disappointed,and sad..I was screaming my head off that time,but after they did it..I thought of you,and i started to cry again...

I'm tired, I'm heartsick, I'm in pain, I'm alone, I'm cold now..but I will still keep on waiting, because I know you won't leave us alone...
Always Keep The Faith~ I love you, Dong Bang Shin Ki....

* If i had to cry until i became blind to have you 5 back together as 1, I am willing to~